"it" just moved
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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