Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
