So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So much rum. So many feels.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
