Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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