if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
