At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize