That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
