6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
