Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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