girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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