I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just want nice things and good sex
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
