I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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