Will you blow on my dice?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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