I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
