Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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