Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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