That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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