I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
