I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
