I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This is my gift to your gina
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
