how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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