there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
