I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize