Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
