I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I FOUND THE LEGS
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
