my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
