im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
