i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
