HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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