On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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