Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Plan B is the new Plan A
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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