You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize