i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
