It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
