I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i love accidental penises.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
