turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
