I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize