you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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