She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
