No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
