no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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