I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize