Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Boobs speak an international language.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
