i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
