forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
