Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Never joke about your clitoris.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
