He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
