Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
