She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
