I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
