how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
