i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
