Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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