It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
