Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
