the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
