I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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