Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
