you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
