So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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