my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
