Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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