One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
