I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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