Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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