it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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