Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
