Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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