some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Sober January is a disaster.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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