I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
a search helicopter?!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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