I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
