the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
