To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
