I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
