he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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