saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
