apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
