I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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