Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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