mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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