Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
