It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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