But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
