marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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