He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
