my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
