pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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