So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
