I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
