help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
