The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
