So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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