I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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