Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
