he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
