He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
