I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
