i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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