I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
