I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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