i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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