i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
