I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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