So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
