one might say we're banned from that church
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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