Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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